As-salam and Hello!
This is my 1st entry. Been playing many broken records in my head - ideas, stories, reflection - and my 'folders' are bursting by the seams, so I am in dire need of finding a spot to store my thoughts; in hopes to further incubate them, shape them and toss them about so that readers can ponder and respond to them. I wish to grow, here.
What a title to kick off and send the ball rolling! ANGER. I have been interacting with myself about anger, convinced that I have finally arrived at the age of which enables me to LAUGH at the face of anger, instead of allowing it to swallow me. I am in the process of smashing to smithereens the devil's cauldron. I have a feeling, it won't take me over-night.
I am married, have two beautiful children and work 8-5 - in other words, that spells out 'I am an angry working mum/wife'. I hate who I have become. It has to stop. There is a stop to this and it can only happen if I really want it to. Therefore, I must persevere with this intent, remain with this NIAT.
Hence, this blog is entitled "Remain In Saff". To place my foot firmly, where it is meant to be, in line with my convictions. 'Dalam SAFF', as how us Malays would describe it - when we stand beside one another when we pray - In ('dalam') Saff. In line. In track. In proportion. In devotion. In ONE-NESS. In happiness. In addition to that, in Malay, there is a word 'insaf' which means 'realization'; conceptually meaning "a state of when an entity affects us positively", "enlightment". And having philosophized all these fragments, I am moved to externalize the essence. I wish to REMAIN IN SAFF..... Amin.... And this blog, is an avenue to enable knowledge sharing; a cable for those who are more knowledgeable to harness me into a constructive current, insyALLAH.
Anger, I WILL conquer you. Today, I giggled at you. I was at a surau, in a nearby mall. Went all the way to buy my favourite ice-cream : mint n chocolate, yumms!! As I finished my du-ah (need to work on a longer, more heart-jabbing one), an elderly passed by me and started arranging 3 prayer mats in front of me. My thoughts said, "What a nice lady, preparing the mats for her friends/children. This is an example of an 'investment'....". Then I turned around, and to my dismay, appalled at the sight of the disarrayed mats of where the lady pulled out the mats (that she arranged earlier on) from. MasyALLAH....(anger seeps in....cue, anger!). Short-lived was my realization ('keinsafan'). I was disheartened, with the lady, then much later realized - I was upset with myself; for not being able to be more forgiving. More readily forgiving. More understanding. Anger. U ALMOST consumed me in whole! I then sat down, folded the mats, arranged them nicely - as an act of redemption. It's ok. The lady may have legit reasons why.