Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Man, Woman and Hobby

As-Salam and Hello....

Many a time, I’ve considered myself lucky for being married to a man who respects my views and accommodates my whims and fancies.  Rarely would he question my requests and would allow me to do most of whatever before I even finish explaining myself.  I wouldn’t have the slightest worry whenever I leave home on work trips and college outings which sometimes last for days.  My husband, I would describe to all, is a very supportive person.  He is, indeed.

Then, he picked up a hobby.  Or in actual fact, decided to focus on his hobby which had been sitting on the shelves, collecting dust.  24/7.  365.  366 on a leap year.  The hobby owned him.  What made his hobby more demanding than what was necessary, is that darling husband began a forum to take his hobby to a more intellectually engaging level.  24/7 was for hobby.  365 was for hobby.  366 was for hobby, on a leap year.  The children and I found even greater freedom.  At some points, gifts and money would instead replace the time he should have spent with us.  Sooner, rather than later, freedom suffocated me and the shower of gifts didn’t excite me – the children however, enjoyed every piece of freedom n gifts to bits, comparatively.  I suddenly felt distant.  I suddenly became 2nd fiddle.  I suddenly hated that very person who created hobbies in the first place. 

I suddenly realized how it may have felt to be in his shoes whenever I happily went off on work trips and college outings.  I suddenly felt ALONE.

Due time, I gathered enough courage to let my feelings be known and we sorted things out.  Now, he’d follow me on my trips and outings and Mr. Hobby was allowed to tag along because Mr Hobby is a universal hobby and the opportunity to activate Mr Hobby is limitless (I bet you, that you are taking wild guesses of the hobby by now!).  And in return, the kids will follow him when he’s out hobbying so that family time is observed.  I’d be at home, catching up with TV and books.  Never lonely again.

The incident made me realized about the value of communication.  I am one to be having conversations in my head and believe you me, the ideas would often go downhill into danger zone!  That voice in your’s devilish, it’s got horns!  We must gather much courage to verbalize these internal conversation because it could very well eat us up, and end we’d up as sceptics (Malays call it ‘syakwasangka’) that can be indeed cancerous.  Before you’d know it, you are the one with the horns.....  Let it out.  Discuss matters openly.  It won’t be easy, but it’s crucial.  Along the way, we’ll discover our limitations and we provide ourselves to the opportunity to further mature.

If you are married, be very alert whenever you feel alone, even when distance does not separate you.  Face your fears of worrying that communication could go the wrong way; it’s way better to manage damage control when it’s still controllable.  It’s a foot in the right direction, InsyALLAH..... Wallahua’alam.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

As much as we hate to be angry, losing our cool seems to be extremely instantaneous

As-salam and Hello!

This is my 1st entry.  Been playing many broken records in my head - ideas, stories, reflection - and my 'folders' are bursting by the seams, so I am in dire need of finding a spot to store my thoughts; in hopes to further incubate them, shape them and toss them about so that readers can ponder and respond to them.  I wish to grow, here.

What a title to kick off and send the ball rolling!  ANGER.  I have been interacting with myself about anger, convinced that I have finally arrived at the age of which enables me to LAUGH at the face of anger, instead of allowing it to swallow me.  I am in the process of smashing to smithereens the devil's cauldron.  I have a feeling, it won't take me over-night. 

I am married, have two beautiful children and work 8-5 - in other words, that spells out 'I am an angry working mum/wife'.  I hate who I have become.  It has to stop.  There is a stop to this and it can only happen if I really want it to.  Therefore, I must persevere with this intent, remain with this NIAT.

Hence, this blog is entitled "Remain In Saff".  To place my foot firmly, where it is meant to be, in line with my convictions.  'Dalam SAFF', as how us Malays would describe it - when we stand beside one another when we pray - In ('dalam') Saff.  In line.  In track.  In proportion.  In devotion.  In ONE-NESS.  In happiness.  In addition to that, in Malay, there is a word 'insaf' which means 'realization'; conceptually meaning "a state of when an entity affects us positively", "enlightment".  And having philosophized all these fragments, I am moved to externalize the essence.  I wish to REMAIN IN SAFF.....  Amin....  And this blog, is an avenue to enable knowledge sharing; a cable for those who are more knowledgeable to harness me into a constructive current, insyALLAH.

Anger, I WILL conquer you.  Today, I giggled at you.  I was at a surau, in a nearby mall.  Went all the way to buy my favourite ice-cream : mint n chocolate, yumms!!  As I finished my du-ah (need to work on a longer, more heart-jabbing one), an elderly passed by me and started arranging 3 prayer mats in front of me.  My thoughts said, "What a nice lady, preparing the mats for her friends/children.  This is an example of an 'investment'....".  Then I turned around, and to my dismay, appalled at the sight of the disarrayed mats of where the lady pulled out the mats (that she arranged earlier on) from.  MasyALLAH....(anger seeps in....cue, anger!).  Short-lived was my realization ('keinsafan').  I was disheartened, with the lady, then much later realized - I was upset with myself; for not being able to be more forgiving.  More readily forgiving.  More understanding.  Anger.  U ALMOST consumed me in whole!  I then sat down, folded the mats, arranged them nicely - as an act of redemption.  It's ok.  The lady may have legit reasons why.