As-Salam and Hello....
Many a time, I’ve considered myself lucky for being married to a man who respects my views and accommodates my whims and fancies. Rarely would he question my requests and would allow me to do most of whatever before I even finish explaining myself. I wouldn’t have the slightest worry whenever I leave home on work trips and college outings which sometimes last for days. My husband, I would describe to all, is a very supportive person. He is, indeed.
Then, he picked up a hobby. Or in actual fact, decided to focus on his hobby which had been sitting on the shelves, collecting dust. 24/7. 365. 366 on a leap year. The hobby owned him. What made his hobby more demanding than what was necessary, is that darling husband began a forum to take his hobby to a more intellectually engaging level. 24/7 was for hobby. 365 was for hobby. 366 was for hobby, on a leap year. The children and I found even greater freedom. At some points, gifts and money would instead replace the time he should have spent with us. Sooner, rather than later, freedom suffocated me and the shower of gifts didn’t excite me – the children however, enjoyed every piece of freedom n gifts to bits, comparatively. I suddenly felt distant. I suddenly became 2nd fiddle. I suddenly hated that very person who created hobbies in the first place.
I suddenly realized how it may have felt to be in his shoes whenever I happily went off on work trips and college outings. I suddenly felt ALONE.
Due time, I gathered enough courage to let my feelings be known and we sorted things out. Now, he’d follow me on my trips and outings and Mr. Hobby was allowed to tag along because Mr Hobby is a universal hobby and the opportunity to activate Mr Hobby is limitless (I bet you, that you are taking wild guesses of the hobby by now!). And in return, the kids will follow him when he’s out hobbying so that family time is observed. I’d be at home, catching up with TV and books. Never lonely again.
The incident made me realized about the value of communication. I am one to be having conversations in my head and believe you me, the ideas would often go downhill into danger zone! That voice in your ear........it’s devilish, it’s got horns! We must gather much courage to verbalize these internal conversation because it could very well eat us up, and end we’d up as sceptics (Malays call it ‘syakwasangka’) that can be indeed cancerous. Before you’d know it, you are the one with the horns..... Let it out. Discuss matters openly. It won’t be easy, but it’s crucial. Along the way, we’ll discover our limitations and we provide ourselves to the opportunity to further mature.
If you are married, be very alert whenever you feel alone, even when distance does not separate you. Face your fears of worrying that communication could go the wrong way; it’s way better to manage damage control when it’s still controllable. It’s a foot in the right direction, InsyALLAH..... Wallahua’alam.